My husband is a Christian, but he often doesn’t act like it.

My husband is a Christian, but he often doesn’t act like it.  He drinks too much, plays video games instead of being with our family, and is not a spiritual leader in our home.  I try to talk to him about this but he just gets angry and says he needs to unwind from work.

I think I can safely say that technology is rapidly becoming the greatest threat to relationships, from video games and social media, to online gambling and porn. It is so much easier to check out than to engage, and the enemy of our souls laughs out loud when we are distracted from what is important and invested in what has no meaning. Believe me, you are not alone.  

I Peter 3 was written to wives of unbelieving husbands and encourages women to win them over by their quiet deference.  Don’t get hung up on the historical/cultural language in this passage. The point is this: I Peter 3 suggests that the best way to win a husband over is by allowing the beauty of a quiet inner spirit to speak louder than words.

Whatever the thing that draws your husband away, it’s likely that he is trying to fill a hole in his heart he may not even be aware is there.  How can you help? You’ve already tried the direct approach with less than positive results. Romans 2:4 reminds us that it is God’s kindness that leads to repentance. Given a choice, which approach would you respond to better: a harsh rebuke or gentle words of lovingkindness? Sometimes just being quiet — and kind — is really the best way to go and will yield the best results. Does this sound counterintuitive? Please hear me out.

Our husbands’ greatest inner yearning is for respect, while as wives, we long for love.   Would you be willing to consider a 30-day challenge? If you will commit to pray for your husband every day for the next 30 days, and show him an intentional daily kindness along with respect from that place of quiet strength, you may be amazed by the results.  The more he can hear, “I love it when you…”, the more he will want to step up and be the man you know he can be. By being quiet, kind, and respectful, you are in no way being a doormat. Quite the opposite, actually — you are choosing to be strong for the both of you, to believe in the man you married and to do what you can to encourage him to be God’s man.

I am praying for you.


Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you?Can you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?
–Romans 2:4 (NLT)

Suggested resource: Revive Our Hearts 

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