My adult daughter has been in and out of rehab, and has stolen from me to buy drugs. I have had to create pretty strong boundaries to protect myself, which means she can’t live with me anymore, and is now homeless. I’ve learned that she is pregnant and has nowhere to go. I am torn in all different directions.
There is nothing like a grandchild to change all the rules. We will do anything for them, and protecting them is as sacred as it was for our own babies. That said, you must still exercise caution and care to protect yourself, too.
Because there is always more than one way to look at any challenge, I am not going to presume to know what is best for you. A big part about questions is realizing that there’s not always one right answer. You pray, weigh it all, make a decision and go with it.
Sadly, there are plenty of situations where babies suffer greatly for the sins of their parents. Being born addicted, being neglected or worse…I am praying this will not be your grandbaby’s life, but in case it is, I would suggest that you research your options. What is in the baby’s best interest? Unfortunately, grandparents generally have little to no rights, but if your daughter is using throughout her pregnancy, the baby needs to be considered first and foremost. Find out what that would look like, and what you can or cannot do.
On the brighter side, babies do have the potential to snap their parents back into reality. This little human depends on his parents for everything, and being faced with this responsibility can be a life changer for a new mother. I’ve seen pregnant moms clean up their acts, realizing the ramifications of babies born to addicts. I am praying that your daughter finds herself in this paragraph and not the one above. She will require a lot of support to be able to turn her life around and care for a baby, if she decides to keep it. If you choose to allow her to move back home, it will have to be with carefully prayed through conditions determined by you. She will have to contribute to your household in concrete ways – for example, she will have to have a job and participate by paying room and board. She should assist with housekeeping and cooking and do her own laundry. This is Real Life 101 and you need to hold her to whatever stipulations you impose.
Having her in your home, should you choose this option, will require a lot of grace. Constantly being on her case (particularly for poor choices in the past) will not help her move ahead. I’m not suggesting you should be a doormat or put up with abusive behavior. But realize this – she will likely not morph into a responsible adult overnight. This could take some time, a lot of patience, and even more prayer.
Should you decide you cannot have her under your roof, she can still benefit from your emotional support as she tries to figure out how to proceed. Help with the baby when you can, and on your terms (i.e. when your daughter is working – NOT partying) Try to move past the past, forgive her, and help her when she asks for it. And pray, pray, pray. You can count on my prayers for you.
Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find;
knock, and it will be opened to you. –Matthew 7:7 (NIV)