Dear Gigi,
I am suffering from a broken relationship. I thought this was a bond that couldn’t be broken, but I’ve come to realize that no friendships are completely safe. I was put in an impossible situation and it was a lose-lose situation. I can’t seem to get past this and it’s been, in my estimation, plenty of time. I don’t know what to do next.

This question breaks my heart. Why? Because I’ve been there. And I continue to struggle. It’s a process.

Out of respect for the one with whom I’ve fallen from relationship, I’m not going into detail here. But I hope to be helpful and to identify with what you are feeling, because believe you me, I understand.

I go through periods where I think I’m going to be okay. I’m able to go to sleep at night without perseverating for hours and get through the day without being overcome by dark thoughts. But then, something reminds me of it all, and I’m back in the middle of the pain all over again.

Have you fully forgiven? I think we have to be honest with ourselves and determine what part of a conflict we can truthfully own. Spending an extended and uninterrupted period of time in prayer is a great way to connect with God and seek his heart and his will for what to do next. If you have unresolved issues making closure impossible, you may want to reach out and offer an apology (if appropriate), or just a simple “I regret that things have turned out this way. I never wanted them to end like this.”

Whether you can reach out or not, covenant to pray for the person. Every time I think of mine, I pray for them. Prayer turns grief into wanting their best and is so much more productive than stewing.

God only knows how long the pain will remain. I’m trying to not run from mine, but am trying to channel the negative energy for good. Reaching out and helping someone else in need is a good way to get your mind off your broken relationship. I’m praying for you.

Love,
Gigi

We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. — Romans 5:3 (The Message)