Waiting in the dark for the dawn to come.

Today is day 10 of a 1 ½ -2 week wait for some serious test results for one I would gladly take a bullet for.  So as to not speak out of turn (it’s their story, not mine), I’m being quiet, but in doing so, I find myself barely even able to breathe. If and when the time is right, I’ll share, but for now, we continue to wait.

And wait, and wait.  We have prayed, we have supported one another, we have distracted ourselves, we have filled all the boxes this week with a birthday and a birthday party and a lost tooth.  We’ve watched part of our tribe contract the flu (and both Influenza A AND B – who does that?) but thankfully the Covid test was negative.  We’ve enjoyed the first full week of our live-in company between houses and are prepping for Flyboy’s surgery on Thursday.

Life is moving forward. 

Sort of.

In other ways we’re frozen in time.  I remember when Grace Vanderwaal won AGT in 2016.  When asked later about the interminable wait after the host said, “and the winner is…”, she said she could have waited all day.  To not know was easier than hearing the wrong answer.  

That is exactly how I feel right now.  Maybe I really don’t want to know.  Maybe it would be easiest to just repeat September 20th over and over forever and never have to face the wrong answer.

It doesn’t work that way, does it? The answer will come.

I’m waiting.

I have no brilliant commentary, no words of inspiration.  Somewhere deep inside I know all the right words to say, all the right things to feel, but I can’t seem to do anything, think anything, write anything or say anything meaningful because all my energy is wrapped up in the waiting.

So today, dear friend, if you are waiting, if you are hurting, if you are lonely, if you’ve been betrayed or abandoned, join me in this place today. No matter how we hurt, we can rest in the fact that Jesus has been through it, too.  We are invited to share in the “fellowship of his suffering.”  Whatever we suffer, he has already suffered it ahead of us.  He was misunderstood, slandered, betrayed, and murdered. He who endured it all for our sake is there for us now. Remembering this makes me able to breathe a little easier and rest in the arms of the Savior who loves our tribe and knows exactly what is on the other side of this waiting.  No matter how the waiting impacts me (and for that matter, the rest of us – including you), he is entirely prepared, and he will help us put one foot in front of the other. Lean into him with me.


 …and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.  – Philippians 3:9-11

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