Dear Gigi,
I am ready to give up on my marriage. My husband has cheated on me one too many times, and I’ve just had it. He is a good provider and a good father, but he just can’t seem to see our marriage vow as sacred. Others tell me that because “God hates divorce” I am sinning by considering throwing in the towel and God expects me to stay with him no matter what. What am I to do?
There is no easy answer to this question.
It is true that God hates divorce and would desire for you to be reconciled and remain married. But he also recognizes that sometimes it is impossible to live at peace with another person when the bond of trust has been violated.
How do you know if (or when) the time is right to end a marriage? There is much to consider. If you leave your husband, will your income(s) support two households? You will face hefty legal bills. Do you anticipate a custody battle? Who loses in the end?
I’m not saying you should stay with him. I’m not saying you should leave him. I’m asking you to count the cost.
You might want to consider a separation, though in many states, there is no way to protect your assets until you complete the divorce process. Being apart from you and your children might help your husband to realize what he is giving up.
Or not.
But whether you stay with him or not, you need to forgive. (See this post for a more in-depth discussion on forgiveness). By carrying around the pain of betrayal and unforgiveness, you will live in a state of self-loathing and bitterness that will drag you down to a new low. Forgiveness says, “I release you to live your life as you will.” It does NOT say, “I’m okay with what you did.” – or – “I invite you to come and betray me again.”
Pray for a word from the Lord regarding His will for your life and the life of your family. Recruit the prayers of friends and family and listen to how the Lord would have you proceed. Cover this in prayer. Do your homework, get wise counsel, and learn what the divorce laws are in your state.
Be careful. Be wise. Be alert and wait on the Lord. I’m praying for you, and for your husband, that he would be penitent and allow God to turn him around.
Love,
Gigi
3 Some Pharisees came to Jesus to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’[b]? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”