Note: This post is for those of you who are in my situation in life: we are in our final trimester before being born into eternal life. We’ve raised our families and pushed our eaglets out of the nest (for the most part) and are near or in our retirement years. For those of you who are younger and in the throes of child-rearing and working from home, you may just want to slap me for what I’m about to share. I get that. I just spent almost a month in your shoes, and I know you’d give just about anything to feel my feels. Both sets of feelings are legitimate. Here’s mine.
Ever since returning home from Wisconsin (where I was caring for our granddaughters while their mama was on bedrest), I’ve been struggling to find my place in the world. It was easy there. I had an important role – helping the girls feel that their home was still a safe and stable place and that things were going to be okay, keeping them in clean clothes and fed, and loving on them in general.
Now that I’m home, I can’t seem to figure out what to do next. The days are all running together and I’m feeling a little lost.
The oven needs cleaning. I’ll put it on the list.
I can keep up with the laundry and get meals on the table here just like I did there. And it’s not that what I’m doing here day to day is not important, because managing a household (no matter its size) and keeping the wheels moving has inherent value. And it’s not that my relationship with Flyboy is unfulfilling, because that’s not it. We enjoy each other’s company. But he is not struggling like I am – he has hobbies he enjoys, and friends that gather regularly (socially distanced of course), and there are a few things left to be done in our remodel before we can call the house finished. He seems to stay busy enough.
I’m the one with cabin fever.
It seems that we blame everything on Covid but it most certainly has changed the world. And it is, I think, a big part of how I’m feeling (along with many others) about now. Fellowship has been put on hold, and friendship (especially when you’re the new kid on the block) is harder to nurture when you’re steering clear of social contact.
It’s really getting old.
I did apply for a job at the library. And I had an interview. And I’m waiting for a reply. There are parts of this proposition that have great appeal. Like a paycheck to supplement our retirement income. Like having something new to learn and being around people and doing something meaningful again. But then I stop and think about that month spent in Wisconsin that would have never happened if I’d been committed to a job. And the time with our daughter Heidi in October, following her surgery. I was free and able to go at a moment’s notice, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I want to be available to my family. I also want to use my retirement for worthwhile endeavors.
I mention all of this because I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. I just want you to know that I’m praying for you and me both – that we will make the best use of the time we have and serve the Lord (whatever that looks like) with gladness.
PS – Please continue to pray for Emily. It’s been over two months since this health crisis began and she is still waiting for one more test, which will serve to direct her treatment. Pray she can get in for it soon.
Grant, we beseech Thee, Almighty God, as we are bathed in the new light of Thine incarnate Word, that what shines by faith in our minds may also blaze out in our lives. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. — From The Gregorian Sacramentary”